Is it possible to lose an entire loaf of bread in a 750 square foot apartment? I certainly don't think so. That's why I've decided the only rational explanation for it going missing is that a carb-craving ninja stealthily broke into my place and stole it. What a prick.
It's not like it's fancy bread either. We're talking about plain old D'Italiano "Italian Style" white bread with sesame seeds on top. Couldn't he have just dropped a smoke bomb in the Fortinos bakery section and grabbed a few loaves from there? Oh no. He had to take it from me on the exact night I wanted to make a fried egg sandwich. Without the bread, there was no point in frying the eggs anymore so I settled for some Breton crackers with peanut butter and jelly. Pathetic right? I agree. This ninja is a pathetic excuse for a human being.
So NAY to you ninja that stole my bread. I hope you eat it all. Then, when you're bloated and slow, I hope a rival ninja clan attacks and you take a shuriken in the throat.
One day man, you're going to find a bag full of blue and green in loaf form!
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