NAY to my lower back

So while all the trendy kids have been hosting H1N1 parties, I apparently have caught a serious case of old man back. Not sure exactly how it happened because I was fit as a fiddle one day and woke up damn near crippled the next. While this might sound like just another Saturday night to some of you more acrobatic readers out there, sadly I can assure you that I can't blame company for my injury. I simply fell asleep, I woke up and my back was screwed.

I used to hate those annoying little Robaxacet marionette commercials and now I just feel sorry for those poor little wooden bastards. I understand their pain. I haven't missed any work and I can get around okay but it's still pretty weak. I've given up beach volleyball for the past couple weeks just to be safe. If I stretch the wrong way, it feels like a scorpion has stung me. That's right folks. I may have a deadly spine scorpion. And doctors have proven that those things are at least 100 times worse than the Scorpion King so I'm in for a fight. Wish me luck.

If I can't beat it, I guess it's on to a life of scooters and walk-in bathtubs for me. I'll have to ask my landlord to install one of those stupid stair chairs in my building (making me a prime target for Gremlins). I'm sure a Craftmatic bed won't be far behind. Actually, those beds look like fun ... but that's beside the point. It's the principle of the thing.

So NAY to you lower back. Quit being such a dick or I swear I will go to a tattoo parlour and get a tribal tramp stamp thrown on you and you will never live it down.